monkey talk

yo i feel like a monkey
incessant banter inside my head
for real
i need to focus
1 ting
ting ting

what the fuck!

the family man

ratatouille got vetoed. family watches family man. family cries. family laughs. more family. family family family. family. FAMILY!!!!!! im goin insane!!!!

my finger is totally gross.


Bleh!!!!!!!!!!

epuise (epui - Zhay)

et je pense de mon animaux.
ay juh ponce duh mon an-ee-mo.

daddy

je pense de toi
je suis inquite. les chose que tu n'as pas de controlle, inquite pas. sil te plait, c'est finit. allez papa, c'est peu importe ca. ca cest n'importe quoi.... tu es le monde tu etaient tous les choses et tu as fait de bon travaille. allez papa allez. C'est ou ton esprit? c'est ou ton mentalite ton vitalite ton vivacite c'est ou?
il n'ya pas des filles que danse dans ta tete. il n'ya pas des balles amiables du foot. il n'y a pas des reves parce que tu ne dors pas. dors papa. tu le besoin. dors. je suis ta petite fille et j'ai le sentiment que j'ai 4 ans et 444 ans a la meme temps. arret papa. tu me manque.

turkey heaven

you are a ferocious animal.

body

andrew likes my body. and he tells me all the time.

i have an infection.

on my finger. i ate a lot of ibuprofen. it felt better. i came home today. on the train with my brother. i miss andrew already. what the fuck i miss andrew already! we drink a lot together. cause it's fun. georgi blue son, 100proof , half the price.

my blackberry comittted suicide and drank a bunch too. and i found it this morning in a pool of goo. dead. no note. no good bye. nothing.

noe went to vietnam last night. agent orange ak 47s tanks missiles amos all of it. she went awol i guess on her stupid faggot boyfriend. i hate boys who dont treat my ladies well. ima fuck em up.

seriously.

my dad's awake and stressed out about their financial situation. it's heartbreaking to watch. man. it's fuckin sad.

my finger hurts and i miss andrew man. i talked to him and listened to his sexy voice on the phone for like an hour this evening.

mmmm.

one more thing. im going to be a teacher. and a linguist. and get my master's.

good night.

oh my god

im hungry
so i pluck

quantized fractions

no more romance

#5

neurotique

food clothes job beauty shit subway wallet shoes words colors time noise

sunlight


its over

and you cant catch me

even in your huge tremor filled house
and played out love stories

or designer blazers
or flawless manicures

this blog is for me

its not for you, it's not tactile or homemade, it's e-style

a bunch of 1s and 0s basically

but uh
yeah
i had a bad dream last night


and i kept seeing gremlins everywhere
it was fucked

i bought a second hand rabbit fur coat today
it barely fits

haha
whatever

oui sil te plait

i took a six inch can of blood shook it up and it exploded everywhere

shake it up

shake it up

shake it up

what about us, girl

you and me in spain what about
what about us girl


peanutbutter
turkey
whatercolor
whatever

what about
what about
us
girl

lo fi fnk

jonathan is goin to florid
i just got to see him
im listenin to this fuckn song
it makes me feel like i lived a fuckin amazin life
and life is amazzin, actually
it sick

chng chng

im fuckin crazy son

i dont dont give a fuck



(it wasnt me)

math problems

OMG OMG OMG
major problems
math problems
serious equations
need resuloutions

i get wasted

its awesome

ill stop the world and melt with you

why does every commercial i see make me cry

im watching ASPCA commerical for dogs and cats that are beaten neglected and abused and sara mcglaughlin is singing in the background
im probably going to barf
then sob some more
im such a freak
im calling the toll free hotline now

i miss alexis
and my cat

then i saw a commerical for nicole kidmans new movie australia and it reminded me of alexis and i....our magical journeys through greece
there were like waterfalls and shit? idk



im sick
i hate my hair
i feel gross
fuck

party pics suck my ass

im over stupid dudes that fuck over my friends and their dumb glasses. im over the jobsearch. cry cry cry eat italian ice. puke. clean. wound. cigarette. cool. apartment. bed. poster. fold. resume. interview. suit. VIP. bracelet. falafel. carry me. internet. no. yes no. best friend's boyfriend. itchy. resistant. bad. drink. shower. cookie. in. subway. down. out. chat. time. hotflashes. dork. finger. laundry. chinese food. steamed food. diet food. hair. alexis. party. sleep. tea. alexis. no more. study. questions. boots. books.

im leaving paris

and im uh kinda scared
we got banks crashing, dollars plumetting.... people unempolyed, people freaking out
im leaving
my visa got denied and i miss new york
cause my visa got denied
im leaving alexis, my apartment and my cat

anticipating
a lot of nights
on couches
and sharing beds

with people who are doing me favors
and job hunting

not stoked on that
a bit nervous.

not gonna lie.

its gonna be fine.

but we got banks crashin and sara palin on the prowl, they both can suck my dick

my brother said the fireworks are just starting.

great.

i live in paris

yeah dude
its fuckin sweet
but im realizing that i really hate my job
like really really hate my job

i work on a boat in a restaurant / cafe for tourists. who just got off another boat that took them up and down the seine while looking at historical / famous sites. like, that in itself is weak. and played. but whatev.

let me jsut tell you about the place. the food is gross, over priced and kind of like cafeteria style. unless youre a big group of shitty french people who dont tip and pay even more for nasty food. then its like table service, but its a fixed menu, so you dont decide what crappy food youre going to be eating. there are 3 main responsibilities to this position. DEBRASSER les tables: thats like clearing all the tables after the clients have finished their BOUf (that means like, grub, in french). dont think this place is small either. its fucking huge. and carrying heavy plates and multiple trays long distances all day isnt easy. or cute. the second major responsibility is the buffet. restocking the grub and going back and forth to the kitchen to get more. its easier. but its boring as hell.

the third is the cash register, which im not able to do yet. i think you have like work there for over a year to actually get trained on the cash register. that's gay. but even that seems boring as hell and theres no movement. atleast with the frist responsibility im like sweating and getting buff and shit.

ok thats enough about my job

paris is cool besides bateaux parisien, i mean bateaux mexicans

beurk

(ohh berk, is the equivalent to EW in french.)

i love that.

werd

amy

this one's going out to hervé

wow this blog is WAYYY too personal.
pretty sure im gonna delete everything

titre de sejour

so. guess what? this language shit is starting to click. its fucking mazing! communicating in another language. its probably like on eo fthe coolest feelings ever. ive worked like, pretty fucking hard at getting this language, and its tedious and embarrassing and striaght up hard son, but im making progress and starting to get it/ it feels fucking rad.

so, im finishin gup the semester here, alexis found an apartment for us in the alps, WORD!!! and i THOught i found a job, until the lady called me tonight (hte night before my first day basically) to tell me that the 20 hour per week thing (then an additional 20 hours on top of the UTT style) jsut like wasnt going to work out. bummer. guess i gotta start over:

nutella is good.. alexis is good... sounds like he isnt really sick anymore thats good...... i kinda wanted this hotel job cause id be speaking mad french and have my own place to stay and ACTUALLY STACK SOME LOOOOOOOOOOOT?! but um, guess it was a bit too good to be true; fuckin whack son. guess theres something better right around the corner.

i gotta think that way cause its the only way i keep myself sane here. if im like what if what if what if all the time i go bonkerz. straight up. i just gotta focus on the positive stuff and get over the gay shit

GA%Y shit:

what if shit was gay or straight

no really
homosxual poop
fascinating

word.

diet pillllz

i think im gonna go buy some of those shits tomorrow
hahahahha


diet pillllzzzzz
french diet pillz

yess

j'obliais

i obliais
je forgot

to write something
ANYTHING
thats actually good
creative productive artistic in my life in the month of november

for some reason i think its coool to like beat myself
but i dont think i deserve it like tina turner

huh

anyway
throughout the month of november, lets see:

i studies french and got good graaadessss


insert y scanned tests into the puter


i made two stencils and did them actually thats coool
and i made these tiny little ones friends at the skatepark and they were fuckin rad and they spoke to me in french not liek most of the bitches in AIX

the first stencil said say what cause je suis confusé tous les jours tous les jours

en classe confused
in the street confuse
at the store confuse

drinkin juice confuse
eating crepes confuse

oui oui oiu
confuse

roquefort and brie
confuse

say what

and the other is FOR YOU
CAUSE I DID IT FOR KASH

but it says for you
and its really simple and it kind of sucks actually but its ok
i skateboarded on it
and gave it to kash on the internet
god damn im so gay

haha whatever
it was good


and i went to italy
and i made some real friends
and i took some photographs

and....i drank a lot of coffee

and i walked up the fuckin ghill everydya hahaha
and did a bunch of laundry
made dinner for alexi a lot

um i guess i didnt do as much as i thoguh t i did but its cool
for real
its cool
oh an d i packed up the whole house with jessica and we moved and everything all by ourseles!!! word!!!

drink wine
smoke butts
fuck ya
life

chooose an identity

any identity

i dont know why i just sad that
i just saw it i think

so i live in marseille now
at my boyfriends dads house
thats pretty fuckin sweet
right? hahahha

um yeah

no for real
is that wierd?

it was a matter of circumstance really
and for realz
who wants to walk home to an empty old apartment thats too expensive and to far so hitchhike home all the time

fuck that
so i bounced

cause hervé offered me a spot and i was like um. ok. sure i love your apartment
and i love your free internet and i love you and i love how you buy all the food i like like greek yogurt and feta cheese and salad stuff and clementines and endives and tomatoes and i love the way this palce smells and and i love how marseille is real
and the people here are real
and it makes me realize how aix is whack

but its ok
im really not here for that much longer before i go home ot the states for christmas
and then go back to the alps to spend the season with alexis

its kinda likea make it or break it winter i htink

but i dont knoz
i love that boy so fuckin much its retarded


i jst stopped what i was doing to tell him that

is that good?


why do i get all pyscho sometimes
that shit is gay
i love getting emo while blogging

that shit is gay too
i think this blog is just one giant reflection of how gay i am

im struggs
struggle street for sure

hahhahahha

obligitoire

im kinda wishin i didnt have this gay class today
for reals
i dont like my teacher
he wears really fucked up gay french pleated pants and sticks his nasty package in my face while hes talking in french about divorce rates and how to write a proper french letter to your landlord or some celebration in france that no one fuckin knows about or cares about

this past weekend was cool
we went to a party in marseille
got wasted
smoked like 40 grams of hash
went backstage
got oranges and beers
puked up banana candy and red wine in the bathroom trailer

ive been doing stencils and taggin

ive been rejected french people and french culture while in france

i listen to the same 4 metal songs by daughters and xbxrx and blood brothers and coalesce
and then i get gangster and turn on the same 4 ghostface gza immortal technique and biggie songs

then i get fuckin emo and listen to the same 3 joy division songs

whatevder
this blog has officially turned in to a bitchblog

but i mean if you cant bitch to your boyfriend (he DEF doesnt wanna hear it) and yove already listened to all of the AL GREEN you have on your shitty 4MB ipod..... what else can you do but blog abou t dat shit


werd§