poppin off

i totally freaked out last night. heart wrenching tears, pacing, walking around talking to myself, for hours, with bonnie, more tears, andrewandrewandrew, aching, stomping around in trash, kick you, poppy seed tincture, itchy, stupid yoga, stupid laundry, stupid handwashing, stupid movie, no control, what the fuck.
andrew recognized my level of desperation after a short period of begging and agreed to meet me at 2am, thank god, thank you, thank anything that makes me not feel this way. "i promise ill be normal, i'll never be like this again."

i bought him yellow flowers and he hugged me and i had a beer and a spliff and finally went off to bed. i feel normal again. kinda. what a psychotic maniac. no more romance for you.

need to work. need to work out. that's it. credit card gym membershit renewal. no more bullshit excuses.