meteor showers? my ASS!!!!

i saw one comet tonight. what a bust. i saw like, 1 and a half comets last night. outside on the deck with my dad. i wanted to smoke a butt out there watching the stars with him, but of course i couldnt. he'd flip.

it was kind of wierd, and i just think that sucks, that it felt wierd to spend time with my dad... just watching the sky. my parents are pissed off cause they think i am wasting my education and fucking up my career by going off to play with alexis in france. this decision directly affects them as i need assistance with VISAs and temporary living situations in between VISAs. (at THEIR house). okay, got it. not wanted here. i understand. seriously! i get it! i wont come back here, point taken.

but eventually i'll figure out whether or not im staying in Europe with Georgious, or.......... not.......... and will have to come back to America and figure it out all over again. i want to be with him, i want to make a family with him. i want a dog named meemer and i want to make him happy forever. i could do it, i know it. but if it falls apart........i guess ill start over somewhere else.

big deal? no big deal? i dont know. i guess starting over is kind of a big deal. but its not like i dont realize that. so why cant they get off my dick and let me realize my own decisions create my future and just be supportive as opposed to negative, condescending and resentful. ok, let's break that down:

negative = things arent going to work out for me in europe / with alexis. will get too hard. I'll give up. no money.... tough life, no friends no family. fair enough.

condescending = oh sure amy, you can just come back to work in new york, what are you going to do? leech off of us for another month while you figure out a new job?

resentful = just come home, amy, you can live and work here while you figure things out........................ oh wait, fuck. shit. amy's home. we dont want her here. she's a burden and dependent. fuck. shit. now what do we do. let's just be assholes and tell her that she sucks.

well, yeah. obviously i suck and i'm lazy. got it.

never coming back here again............

blargh. i dont know really. i guess thats what blogs are for. i kind of feel like an idiot blogging away here in suburbia but i also cleaned my grandmom's hosue today, watered the flowers in the yard, took a walk around the neighborhood after dinner by myself and went to the post office today. i mean, what else am i supposed to do. FUCK!

LOSER~!

smash, im turning into an alcoholic here and they hid the STOLI orange from me. so i drank mandarin absolut instead. trying to get to the city this weekend to return to some urban normalcy ragin like im used to. BATTLE OF THE CONSULATE PART 2 tomorrow. put ya fuckin seatbelts on.