Monday, April 23, 2012

it's not just fitness.

it's life.

i recently joined equinox where i am reminded of my elite new york city status and success everytime i work out.

The moment i walk in my personal life fitness mentor rushes over to spray me with eucalyptus water.

they lay me down and help me take off my armani business attire. i am changed into state of the art performance-driven exercise apparel.

working out is so sexy. when i do spin class someone is actually peddling me through unheard of european cobblestone streets. i don't even sweat.

i look like this now.

i get driven around in really fast cars with my legs hanging out the window.

i had a baby. he's a genius.

i moved into a new apartment. it came with 24-hour on-site camera crew to document my progress in strength, endurance and agility.

i hang out with models. we make cakes and arm-wrestle every thursday evening in the study.


Sunday, February 26, 2012

Oscar the couch

heyyyyyyyy, angelina jolie, sweet legs dog.

brad pitt: my wife is insane.

The girl with the dragon tattoo, you're killing it in this white shit with your epic bangs. even though you are starving.

i guess everyone is starving, especially angelina jolie.

What the hell is going on? I haven't seen any of these movies. Regardless, Martin Scorcese has some sick eyebrows.

Whatev. This chick knows what's going on

hey beiber!

you do it to me every time michelle williams, i don't care if you're confused.

remember when she gave me boner in this lemon strudel?

angelina jolie no one cares

can we take a minute to stop laughing at angeleina jolie and just look at her elbow? girl you need help.

well anyway, cirque du soleil came out as like a half time show or some shit. not really sure where that came from, but some tv blogger pretty much gets it

ok back to laughing at angelina jolie,
remember when zack galanafaakiniswdfjkahfus and will ferrel came out with cymbals and smashed them in brangelina's face? awesome

natalie portman everyone hates you

busy phillips youre fuckin cool

emma stone, The Help me, you gorgeous, dog

Charlize theron, is you human

Kelly Osbourne is that you?

angelina jolie you adopted 14 children

jessica alba youre a maniac and it's not fair

gwyneth paltrow you are like a life-size real-life doll of yourself and i want to be you

anyway...................lots going on at the oscars this year. this chick pretty much sums it up.